Home - East meets West!

We are home! We had a FABULOUS welcoming committee at the airport - 13 people! I think Maya Mei was very pleased about the signs, balloons and warm welcome from our friends' children. It was really lovely. They drove us and our luggage home in a caravan, where more balloons, home baked brownies and dinner for Sunday were waiting, plus groceries for Sunday breakfast in our fridge. We are so grateful to have such wonderful friends and neighbors. Our driveway and walk were cleared of the 3 feet of snow and everything and everyone at home was safe and sound and in order. The refinished beds for the girls' room were delivered yesterday and their beds were made and new photos of the girls in picture frames on their dressers. Thank you, thank you, thank you friends! :o)





Our body clocks are so messed up. The girls had a bubble bath at about midnight and I was able to keep them upstairs and mostly in bed until around 4am. Then I brought Maya Mei downstairs and Eliana was only a half hour behind. So they are in the toyroom playing semi-quietly and Adam just wandered down as well. I am pretty sure this is the first time that Maya Mei has ever played dress-up/princess. :o) Love her Mulan/cowgirl combo!





Our flights were very good overall. Adam was able to use some United systemwide upgrades to get 6 of us into business class for free and then we used some points plus my sister paid some extra to get herself and Drew up there with us. It was heavenly in business class! This was my first international flight in business class and I am forever spoiled for flights now. :o) The flight attendents were great - we explained the situation with Maya Mei and there was a Mandarin speaking attendent in Economy that kept coming up to check on her and chat with her. Eliana slept nearly the entire flight! My sister, mother, Adam and the boys also seemed to get quite a bit of sleep. I got several hours of sleep in the early part of the flight and was able to watch most of a movie later. I enjoyed dining on filet mignon with a glass of Shiraz with real linen and silverware and the constant snacks, drinks, water refills and overall luxury of being able to recline almost flat and stretch out my legs fully without even coming near the seat in front of me. The 12+ hour flight to Chicago flew by!





We made it through US Customs & Immigration remarkably quickly and rechecked our bags to home. Maya has her stamp in her Chinese passport and we submitted her paperwork and should receive US Certificate of Citizenship automatically in the mail. Maya cried when Lisa & Drew went their separate way to catch their flight to Savannah. She had told the Mandarin speaking flight attendent that she wanted McDonald's chicken nuggets when she got to America and there was a McD's right there in the airport so we hoped a Happy Meal would cheer her up. I had not realized that we had to go through security again with our carry-ons and we had a bit of a 'situation' when the TSA made Maya Mei throw away her Coke. We didn't have a Mandarin speaker and she didn't seem to understand when I tried to explain that I would get her a new one after we went through the screening. A big fit ensued and in the process a TSA officer was inadvertently kicked in the gut - HARD. Enough to make her double over in pain. We are happy not to be in jail right now! I kept asking for a Mandarin speaker and finally someone in the line stepped forward and talked to Maya Mei and was able to help calm her down. We drew a crowd of TSA/security and they were quite nice and understanding. Once we explained what triggered the tantrum, one of them ran and bought Maya Mei a new Coke! We rushed to catch our connecting flight.





I will continue to post thoughts about our trip and about our transition at home. There was so much that I was not able to post about due to lack of time and energy on the trip. We all battled some sort of nasty upper respiratory bug and it was aggravated by the air quality. My mother was hit particularly hard and lost her voice completely. My nose is red and raw from the constant blowing. I am sure people on the flights were worried we were infecting them with some horrible disease (and hopefully we did not)!





I will leave you with links to lots of pictures:

• Tuesday Feb 16th - Behai Park & Laoshe Tea House (this was the day Adam & I kept Maya Mei in the apartment) http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623344908399


• Wednesday Feb 17th - http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623478102444


• Thursday Feb 18th - Xi'an City Wall & Tang Dynasty dinner theater http://www.flickr.com/photos/organize/?start_tab=sets


• Friday Feb 19th - Muslim street & Mosque, Terracotta Warriors http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623469428258


• Saturday Feb 20th - Olympic Birds' Nest and Water Cube http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623353843571

Hugs from HOME!

Laura Beth

On the plane at Ohare. Biz class from PEK was awesome! -LB

Xi'an & back again

Hi all, we are all alive and well – just have been way too busy and tired to have time to blog! We have been to Xi’an and are now back in Beijing and our friends are hopefully safely in Shanghai for

their final leg of their journey before heading home.  We have had a really good few days with Maya Mei.  Her fits of anger are becoming fewer and farther between and have decreased in intensity.  A few of them seemed rather half-hearted, really.  We have had some really sweet and tender moments too, but that seems to always be followed by acting out.  I think the closeness still makes her uncomfortable, so she does something to try to push us back a bit.  But there is definite progress being made.  Thanks so much for all the supportive comments and the private emails we have received offering help and advice.  It is all very much appreciated!!!!

 

We love, love, LOVE Xi’an!  We want to come back again someday and  spend more time there.  It is a beautiful, ancient city and the former capitol city of China (I think 14 times total in the history of China it was the capitol city). It has a beautiful intact city wall that you can  walk or bike ride on, with a moat surrounding it.  The wall and city was beautifully decorated for the spring festival and lit up at night.  And of course Xi’an is also home to the world famous Terracotta warriors, where we had a VERY special encounter at the museum.  But more about Xi’an when we post the pictures from Thursday and Friday!

 

It is Friday night here and our flight leaves Beijing Saturday afternoon at 5:25pm.  We have asked our guide Doyle for time to sleep in, do laundry and pack, so we won’t leave our apartment until noon tomorrow.  We will visit the Bird’s Nest and Water Cube from the 2008  Beijing Olympics before heading to the airport.   Then through the miracle of the Earth’s rotation and the corresponding time zones, we arrive in Chicago an hour before we take off in Beijing! We have to go through US immigrations with Maya Mei in the Chicago O’hare airport (when she officially becomes a US citizen) and make our connection to Dulles – arriving back around 9pm. 

 

We are coming home to a lot of snow on the ground! If anyone has an extra pair of girl’s size 8 snow pants or a  ski bib and size 1 snow boots handy, please send them our way!!!!  I doubt that Maya Mei has ever seen that much snow and will be anxious to play in it Sunday morning. :o)

 

I should have time to do some posting in the morning.  I will leave you with a picture of our Five Star accommodations at the Sofitel in Xi’an and explain later.  Yes, Eliana and Maya (and Mama) are asleep in the corridor.  And a hint about our special encounter in Xi’an…does anyone know who the man in this photo is????  (Another hint, the answer is actually in one of the photos).

 

Nighty night from Beijing (where the fireworks are still sporadically booming/popping),

Laura Beth

 

 

 

 

 

Xian

Hi all, we are all alive and well – just have been way too busy and tired to have time to blog! We have been to Xi’an and are now back in Beijing and our friends are hopefully safely in Shanghai for

their final leg of their journey before heading home.  We have had a really good few days with Maya Mei.  Her fits of anger are becoming fewer and farther between and have decreased in intensity.  A few of them seemed rather half-hearted, really.  We have had some really sweet and tender moments too, but that seems to always be followed by acting out.  I think the closeness still makes her uncomfortable, so she does something to try to push us back a bit.  But there is definite progress being made.  Thanks so much for all the supportive comments and the private emails we have received offering help and advice.  It is all very much appreciated!!!!

 

We love, love, LOVE Xi’an!  We want to come back again someday and  spend more time there.  It is a beautiful, ancient city and the former capitol city of China (I think 14 times total in the history of China it was the capitol city). It has a beautiful intact city wall that you can  walk or bike ride on, with a moat surrounding it.  The wall and city was beautifully decorated for the spring festival and lit up at night.  And of course Xi’an is also home to the world famous Terracotta warriors, where we had a VERY special encounter at the museum.  But more about Xi’an when we post the pictures from Thursday and Friday!

 

It is Friday night here and our flight leaves Beijing Saturday afternoon at 5:25pm.  We have asked our guide Doyle for time to sleep in, do laundry and pack, so we won’t leave our apartment until noon tomorrow.  We will visit the Bird’s Nest and Water Cube from the 2008  Beijing Olympics before heading to the airport.   Then through the miracle of the Earth’s rotation and the corresponding time zones, we arrive in Chicago an hour before we take off in Beijing! We have to go through US immigrations with Maya Mei in the Chicago O’hare airport (when she officially becomes a US citizen) and make our connection to Dulles – arriving back around 9pm. 

 

We are coming home to a lot of snow on the ground! If anyone has an extra pair of girl’s size 8 snow pants or a  ski bib and size 1 snow boots handy, please send them our way!!!!  I doubt that Maya Mei has ever seen that much snow and will be anxious to play in it Sunday morning. :o)

 

I should have time to do some posting in the morning.  I will leave you with a picture of our Five Star accommodations at the Sofitel in Xi’an and explain later.  Yes, Eliana and Maya (and Mama) are asleep in the corridor.  And a hint about our special encounter in Xi’an…does anyone know who the man in these photos is????

 

Nighty night from Beijing (where the fireworks are still sporadically booming/popping),

Laura Beth

 

 

 

 

 

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (Monday pics)

Sorry I am so far behind on posting!  We have had a busy schedule and some big challenges to deal with as well.  We have to be down in the lobby at 6:30am Thursday morning to catch a flight to Xian for an overnight trip, so I will try to catch you up quickly.

 

Monday we visited Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City.  Maya Mei decided this was a day to show her displeasure with us and everything about her situation.  I think that her screaming tantrum near the north gate of the Forbidden City may have been the most photographed site in the Forbidden City on that very busy holiday!  We drew a huge crowd.  We don’t have photos of that particular event, but here are the photos we did get prior to it:

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623443347144

 

Monday was also our friend David’s 40^th birthday.  We walked across the street from our apartment complex that night to have a Peking Duck Dinner, which Maya Mei was VERY excited about (‘Beijing kao yan’, I think she called it).  I think I have mentioned several times that she likes to eat. :o) We had a private dining room and a TON of food and a birthday cake.  The dinner was delicious. The children received their hom bao (hope I am spelling it right – traditional red envelope containing lucky money for the New Year) a day late, but they were very pleased with their windfall of Chinese Yuan and chocolate coins.  It was a very nice evening:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623319772871

 

Tuesday morning at breakfast, Maya Mei was in quite the mood again and escalated her behavior to include spitting in Adam’s face, pinching and threatening to bite.  I decided to make the call that Maya, Adam and I would have a day in the apartment while the rest of our group went about their schedule.  We sent Eliana with Aunt Lisa, Grandma Bonnie, Ben & Drew.  It was a good call.  We spent a quiet morning in the apartment, part of which we each retreated to separate areas to have some alone time.  After Maya stopped screaming and crying, she quietly looked through her photographs of herself in Wuhan and even laid down in bed and closed her eyes for a few moments.  Then she suddenly got back up and wanted to watch her favorite cartoon.

 

I made lunch in the apartment and then we called our guide to see where the group was and if there would be a good time to rejoin them.  We decided that we would regroup for dinner and a show at the Laoshe (sp?) tea house.  Our fabulous guide, Doyle, got on the phone with Maya Mei to explain what would happen that evening.  It became apparent at that time that even though we had tried to explain to her where Ge Ge, Mei Mei, Wai Po and Lisa were, that she had not realized that the rest of our group had gone on about their day without her that morning, and she was none too pleased.  Another episode followed, but I think that it was becoming clear to her that her actions have some consequences.  She does not like being left out! 

 

When she was able to pull herself together again, Adam and I took her to the nice little playground on the grounds of our apartment complex.  She is not comfortable doing things on the toddler sized playground that a 2 or 3 year old would do without a second thought.  It is not that she is physically incapable of doing it, I just don’t think that she has ever done these things before!  Like swinging, or climbing a very small ladder or rock wall.  Even going down a slide.  We encouraged her to try some new things and babied her a bit.  When we think about the progress she has made in the past 2 weeks, it is really remarkable.  She seemed barely able to go up or down stairs at that  time, and since then we she has done a ton of walking and stair climbing, we have seen her run and hop on both two feet and one foot and she even managed the Great Wall of China!

 

We met a very nice Chinese woman who was at the playground with her toddler son and who spoke English and lived there in the apartment complex.  We told her that we had just adopted Maya and we were surprised to learn that she had just adopted her son 3 months earlier!  Even though it was a domestic adoption in China, they waited nearly 2 years to adopt their healthy little boy.  She gave us her phone number in case we wanted to call her to help translate anything for Maya Mei.

 

After we rejoined the group Maya did very well.  Dinner was tasty, but in a very smoky (with No Smoking signs posted everywhere) locals-only type restaurant.  The lamb was particularly good. The Laoshe tea house, very close to the Forbidden City, was very interesting.  It was like a variety show – almost Vaudeville in style.  Unfortunately, there were little to no English translations, so we had no clue what was going on most of the time.  And it was HOT in there – boiling hot.  I peeled layers off of Eliana, including her shoes.  The upside was that Maya Mei LOVED it!  It was worth it all to see her laugh out loud and clap at the show.  And we all got a taste of how it has been for her – listening to conversations that you don’t understand and to other people laughing at jokes that you are not in on – not a very comfortable feeling.  There was a  funny host, several tea demonstrations, a magician, a two man comedy act, an act where two men whistled and made other noises with their mouths that mimicked lots of different things (riding on a train, birds in the park, an airplane taking off, etc), a scene from a Beijing opera, an acrobatics act and a player from the Sichuan opera with the changing mask faces.  We all enjoyed the acrobatics and the Sichuan opera mask man, which did not require any translations. :o)

 

Ben took pictures Tuesday morning of their outing to the Temple of the Earth and Beihai park and we took some at the tea house Monday night and I will try to get those uploaded and posted from Xian, along with Wednesday’s post and pictures.  Another interesting note was that Tuesday night was the first time that Maya Mei cried when she went to bed.  No anger or screaming, just sadness.  I laid in bed with her and tried to comfort her.

 

Today (Wednesday) was a really good day for us.  There were several times when we could tell Maya was gearing up for a tantrum, but then made a conscious decision not to do it.  Of course, we try to give her an easy way out of it with some distraction, or humor.  You can see the wheels turning as she tries to decide which way she is going to go with her behavior.  We had a few tense moments, but no real screaming or crying – just a bit of sassy back talk (which seems to be in a universal language – no translation required), and a bit of locking herself in the bedroom, but not a complete meltdown.  She cried again at bedtime, no anger – just sadness.  I will post more about  Wednesday’s itinerary and pictures when I can.

 

Next post hopefully will be from Xian!

 

Hugs,

Laura Beth

 

Sunday pics - Temple of Heaven, Summer Palace, Acrobatics

Here is our unedited photostream for Sunday:

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623314685149

 

 

 

Sunday - Temple of Heaven, Summer Palace, Acrobatics

Hello friends, let’s see if I can get caught up on the blogging!

 

After about 48 hours of relative peace on the ‘home front’, Maya Mei was due for a melt down and it happened at breakfast Sunday morning with Adam while I was sleeping in from my late night up with the fireworks.  So our day got off to a really rocky start.  Thankfully we are not superstitious, because it is really BAD LUCK for your child to cry or scream on New Year’s Day!  It is supposedly indicative of how your year will go.  Let’s hope that is just a myth!  And to top it off, Eliana and Adam are not feeling 100% and that did not help the mood.  Our rather grumpy half of the group got on the bus for a full day of activities.

 

Sunday morning BITTERLY cold.  We were very bundled up for our trip to the Temple of Heaven, but because the wind was really blowing we were pretty miserable.  We stayed to watch a show being putting on outside the temple, recreating what would have been done in the time of the Emperor for a good harvest for the new year.  We literally huddled together to try to stay warm, enclosing the stroller with little Isaac in the middle to block the wind.  There was also quite the crowd present due to the holiday and the show and we did not linger long.

 

We were frozen solid and next went to find an open noodle shop to have lunch.  It is good luck to eat noodles on New Year – long noodles for long life!  We went to a place inside a large mall and our table enjoyed the noodles with egg and our group’s other table enjoyed the noodles with pork. We also had a soup dish, a spicy duck dish and some very bland soup and just hot water to drink. Lisa & Drew did pretty well with one of their first attempts with chopsticks!  After the noodle shop, we got a warm-up at Starbucks (except the kids, who got a cool down with Frappacinos).  Believe it or not, this was my first stop at Starbucks in my 2 weeks in China so far!  But, I have been enjoying my instant Starbucks Via packets in the morning that I brought from the US. :o)  Also, Ben and Drew picked up some French fries at McD’s on the way back to the bus.  Drew is a meat and potatoes guy (like his Daddy), and he was a good sport about trying everything at lunch, but we also don’t want him to starve since he doesn’t have a lot of meat on his bones to start with!

 

The next stop was the Summer Palace.  Since this was where the Emperors used to go to stay cool in the summertime, we were a little worried given the current weather conditions!  But thankfully, the sun had come out and the wind had eased up, so although it was still pretty cold, it was not nearly as bad as at the Temple of Heaven.  It was really spectacular to see Lake Kunming completely frozen solid.  I like the picture of Adam walking on the lake with Eliana on his shoulders right by the sign that says ‘Do not walk on the ice’!  But since the water level was extremely low, you could actually see solid ground just below the layer of ice where they were walking.

 

Switching authors… this is now Adam.  LB is getting the girls dressed for our Beijing Duck Dinner tonight!

 

We did not stay too long at the summer palace.  Between the girls constantly stopping at the bathroom, the merchants pushing junk on us,  (We did buy some… see Eliana’s Panda hat and Ben’s Groucho Marks glasses with the built in noise makers) and the wind we walked through the long corridor very quickly.  The Summer palace is an amazing place and I am glad that we got to see it.  Our guide, Doyle, is excellent but I am sure he is frustrated with the unruly nature of our group.  We are slow, set on having things our way, and difficult to manage.  (Us?  No way!)

 

After the summer palace, we decided to come back to the hotel for a rest before we left for the acrobatics show.  The kids had some snacks and I  snuck in a 20 minute nap.  Before getting ready for the acrobatic show LB found a picture of it in a magazine in the showed to Maya.  She clapped and jumped up and down.  Very excited, she was a great help getting dressed and out the door.  The show did not disappoint.  The girls (and the rest of us as well) loved it.  It was an incredible show.  We ate ice cream and pop corn in the theater.  A good time was had by all.

 

After the show we came back to the room and had a simple meal of left over KFC and rice.  At 9:00 on the dot, Maya turned off the TV and decided it was bed time.  She grabbed me and Eliana by the hand and told us to go to bed.  Within a few minutes, Maya was asleep, though Eliana was a bit more of a challenge.  After the girls were asleep, LB and I had a few minutes to sit on the couch and look out the window at the fireworks (yes they are still going).  It was very peaceful as we reflected on the trip so far.  Despite the mornings tantrum, we know that things are getting better and more quickly than I would have expected.  

 

Just so no one gets the wrong impression of our new daughter, she is a good girl, very gentle, with a good sense of humor.  She genuinely wants to please us and gets frustrated because she does not know the rules of behavior in our family.  Sure she gets mad and expresses it pretty well, but with what she has been through it is understandable.  She is also smart and as soon as she learns English, things will be much easier for all of us.  Think of it this way… take a minute and reflect on all of the tools you have as a parent and how you use them on a daily basis.  Positive rewards, punishments, negotiation, reasoning, etc.  Now imagine that you have a new 8 year old you barely know and the only tool you have is… “You will do this because I am the parent and I said so.”  Imagine how the day might go.  It is a difficult transition for her, and us.  We will make it through and come out as a stronger happier family for the effort.

 

Thanks again for participating in our journey by reading the blog.  It really helps to have so many wonderful friends pulling for us.  Really, more than you can know.  We are in the home stretch of this  trip and looking forward to seeing you soon.

 

Adam 

Saturday pics - Great Wall

Here are the pictures from Saturday –

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623304617609

 

The first couple of the apartment complex were actually taken on Friday.

 

Hugs, LB

Xin Nian Kuai Le - Happy New Year!

Well, it is officially the Year of the Tiger!  Xin Nian Kuai Le (Happy New Year) from noisy Beijing!  I am now laughing about the fact that we were worried that perhaps we would not be able to see any fireworks from our location - the city of Beijing is ablaze!  Truly, this puts our US New Year’s Eve celebrations to shame.  Someone who lived in Beijing had warned me to bring ear plugs so that we could sleep – she said Beijing would it would sound like war time in Bagdad, and I would have to agree now, except that I think that the fireworks are louder and more constant here in Beijing than bombing and gunfire has ever been in Bagdad.  It is almost unbelievable.  It is nearly 1:30am now and it has quieted down significantly, but there is still a constant rumbling that now sounds like distant canons, punctuated by the occasional nearby blast and soft crackle of smaller firecrackers.

 

We had the most FANTASTIC day at the Great Wall!  It was the sunniest, clearest day I have ever seen in the one month plus period (between 2008 & 2010) that we have spent in China.  The views at the Mutianyu section were just breathtaking!  Words cannot describe how awesome it was to be at the Great Wall on such a day, compounded by the fact that it was the eve of the Lunar New Year and we were the biggest contingent of just a sparse number of people visiting that section of the Great Wall today.  It was a bit chilly and the wind was very brisk in certain areas, but it was so gorgeous that no one seemed to mind the cold.  I had a big bag of extra gloves/mittens, hats, scarves, neck gaiters and ear wraps, and not too many takers.

 

Apologies for the sheer number of unedited photos in this batch (around 300) – definitely just take a look at the thumbnails and click on the ones you want to get a better look at!  You will notice a few that Maya Mei took (unusual angles, out of focus, missing heads, etc).  You may also notice many of the pictures of Maya are of her backside!  She was in a bit of a huff because she wanted to leave and shop down at the vendors and was walking away from me as fast as she could much of the time.  Thankfully, Aunt Lisa was way ahead of us and Maya met her head-on on Lisa’s return trip and Maya was happy to have a good reason to turn around and come back. 

 

You will see some photos of my sister in her white coat on the Great Wall and Drew in his red coat next to Ben that I took with my zoom lens from quite a distance. In the shots immediately following, if you look closely at the Wall, you will see the white and red coats in the distance, until they are just specks!  Adam didn’t get much time on the wall – he mostly stayed put with Eliana, who was feeling crummy with a runny nose and very low temp and was therefore out of sorts.  We got a nice snotty nose picture of her screaming on the Great Wall to break out at her wedding!

 

Ben and Drew took off on an adventure to see how far they could go up the Wall.  They went until it was blocked and they could go no further!  The only problem was that they got to that point at the time that we were supposed to be meeting back near the cable car to ride back down towards our bus.  Fortunately, we had binoculars and a good zoom lens and it was a clear day, so we could keep track of them.  And we knew they would not walk all the way to Mongolia, so there was really no way they were getting lost. So most of us went back down in the cable cars to fight off the vendors, who were particularly aggressive because of the thin crowd, and Adam stayed behind to shepherd our stragglers in.  They got a bit of a scolding/lecture when they finally got back, but not too much.  Who can blame them for wanting to climb as far as possible on the Great Wall of China on the eve of the Lunar New Year on such a spectacular day! Melanie’s dad, Bobby, also went on quite a hike and Grandma Bonnie and David’s mother, Lee, also saw a fair bit of the wall.  We were all quite impressed with Lee’s determination to get up to the Wall and have a look around!  I believe that she is in her 80’s (if not, I will be in trouble).  It may be worth mentioning that one of the cable cars we rode up in was the very car that former President Bill Clinton rode in on his visit.

 

Before we left this morning I managed  to get an online grocery order off to Jenny Lou’s  supermarket.  I wanted to surprise Ben by making tacos in his honor, for being such an awesome son and big brother.  It was a little tricky to order the ingredients from a Beijing supermarket, but we did pretty well!  About an hour and a half after we got back from the Great Wall the online order was delivered.  Melanie and I took stock of what we still needed for our respective families and we walked from our apartment over to the a four level supermarket just around the corner from our hotel.  This area of Beijing is very nice to walk around and we felt completely safe doing so. There was definitely an electric charge in the air as people rushed around making final preparations for the holiday.  It was sort of like going to the mall late in the afternoon on Christmas Eve! 

 

We found staples we thought we might need over the next day or two (rice, milk, bread, fruits, sandwich materials, cheese, milk, yogurt, snacks, etc) since many restaurants will be closed.  We also bumped into Melanie’s Dad, who was exploring the market on his own.  After we made our purchases, we stopped at the neighboring KFC to pick up a bucket of fried chicken to supplement the Mexican fiesta items I had ordered for our large group of 14!  Not exactly a traditional Chinese meal for the holiday, but it was easy to do for our group and with our limited kitchen accoutrements. Since some of us don’t eat pork and shellfish, it can also make it quite challenging to grocery shop when you cannot read Chinese characters. We did have the more traditional jiaozi (dumplings) at breakfast and will have them again later this week when we visit a small village and tomorrow night we are scheduled for a special Peking duck dinner.

 

Between my mother and myself we figured out our Chinese rice steamer and opened the ENORMOUS bag of rice I purchased at the store (the only size I could find and I am not sure which variety it was, but it was good).  We set out chips, salsa and queso as appetizers; unfortunately the guacamole was  not to be – the avocados were not ripe enough. Then everyone started to arrive at our apartment for our little party!   I heated up black beans in foil packets that my sister brought from the States in the microwave, my mother chopped tomatoes and lettuce and I cooked the beef in the taco seasonings in a skillet on our cooktop and warmed the flour tortillas and taco shells.  Melanie & David brought over the fried chicken and some cold beer with their group.  So, on Chinese New Year in Beijing we enjoyed a little Mexican fiesta along with some very American fried chicken! :o)  Maya Mei enjoyed the fried chicken and rice very much, and seemed especially pleased that I had picked up some WaHaHa (sweetened milk for kids) at the market.

 

Maya Mei had a few minor episodes today, and one that nearly erupted into much more, but the firmer approach seems to be working to nip things in the bud before a full blown tantrum occurs.  Also, our OCDF guide, Doyle, is fantastic with both her and David and Melanie’s little Isaac.  You will see Doyle in some photos with them.  We are quite impressed with him and his ability to relate to the kids and to get through to Maya.  We also learned from a  conversation that Doyle had with Maya Mei that she was a classroom monitor at school!  I really think that once the language barrier is less of an issue that we will be able to reason with her and talk her down from the tantrums before they occur. She clearly knows right from wrong and seems to know when she is crossing the line (even though she still crosses it at times).

 

One really cute moment today on the bus to the Great Wall was when Maya Mei asked Doyle if she could use his microphone to sing a song for us.  She sang the ‘Beijing welcomes you’ song from the 2008 Olympic games.  She has such a lovely voice!  She clearly enjoyed the hearty applause she received because she also did an encore performance of a song we were not familiar with. :o)

 

The photos are still uploading, so I will go ahead and post with a couple of pics attached and send the photo link in the morning.

 

Xin Nian Kuai Le,

Laura Beth

Hello from Beijing!

We have connected with my sister Lisa and my nephew Drew and are in our fabulous apartment in Beijing!!!  So, we are now a party of 8 until our friends Melanie and David and their crew arrive shortly, then we will be a tour group of 14 with our very own ‘coaster’ (minibus) and our very nice guide, Doyle, and our driver (whose name I will need to learn tomorrow).  It is pretty cold here, though there is only an occasional patch of leftover snow around, as opposed to the 3 feet or so piled up back home.  I hope everyone is warm and well and that the power (and Internet) are staying on for you!

 

We are celebrating (well, actually everyone but me is sleeping, so we are celebrating very quietly) 24 hours without a major tantrum!  We have changed tactics and are taking a firmer approach with Maya Mei when we see she is winding up.  We also had about 30 minutes with our guide on the way to the airport to have her translate and explain some things to Maya, ask some questions and let her know what some of our expectations for her behavior are.  I think she is feeling more comfortable now that she is getting to better understand the boundaries in our family (after crossing all of them several times).  The flight was pretty good and uneventful except that Maya got sick to her stomach and vomited after landing – I think because of a trip to the restroom during some turbulence on the descent.  Poor dear!  Thankfully everything was contained in the provided bag and she felt better after that.

 

The apartment here is large and will be great for our week long stay here.  Plenty of room to spread out and floor space to play. I think that the location is very good!  We are not near the city center, but we are across from Chaoyang Park and in an area with lot of restaurants and shops to walk to – a place where Beijingers really live and work – not touristy at all.  And if the warm-up of booms and crackles tonight are any indication, we will be in for a huge amount of fireworks Saturday night as we bring in the Year of the Tiger in Beijing! 

 

I am now attempting to place an online grocery order from Jenny Lou’s grocery store so that we will be stocked with provisions over the holiday.  We have a small kitchen with a washer/dryer combo machine that I am going to try to figure out momentarily so that everyone can have clean things to wear tomorrow.

 

I will leave you with one last photo from Guangzhou which I took in the women’s bathroom at the airport.  Sorry, but this translation was too funny not to share!

 

Next photo upload will be of the Great Wall!

 

Laura Beth

Itinerary - Part 2

Our thoughts are with everyone at home, dealing with about 3 feet of snow and the worst winter storms for our area in the last 100 years or so!  Glad our kitties are warm and cozy at the pet spa. We are so grateful to our wonderful friends and neighbors taking care of everything and everyone at home!

 

My sister, Lisa, and my nephew Drew are now on a plane to China and will meet up with us in Beijing Friday afternoon our time!  We will also regroup with our friends Melanie and David and their family to tour Beijing, and a quick overnight trip to Xi’an (night of Feb 18^th) before we split paths towards the ends of our journeys. 

 

While in Beijing we are staying in apartments.  We will  have a total of three 2-bedroom/2-bath apartments for our combined group of 14 people!  Each unit has a kitchen, living room and a washer/dryer!!!  We are not sure what it will be like to be in Beijing on the eve of  Chinese New Year (the night of the 13^th).  All restaurants will be closed, we think.  So  after we arrive on the 12^th or the morning of the 13^th we will stock up with provisions and plan on cooking our own meal on that night.  Our apartments are right across the street from a large park and we hope that people will be out and that there will be plenty of fireworks for the kids to enjoy as we ring in the Year of the Tiger together in China!  We were told by our guide from Eliana’s adoption, Bob,  that the flag raising ceremony at Tiananmen Square on the morning of the 14^th is quite a site, but I am not sure if we can make it there by 6am to witness it!

 

Here is our remaining itinerary:

 

·         Friday Feb 12^th,  arrive in Beijing about an hour before Lisa & Drew.  Take van together to Marriott Palm Springs Apartment.  Visit supermarket and stock up!  David and Melanie and family arrive very late Friday night.

·         Saturday Feb 13^th  (New Year’s Eve) – Visit Mutianyu section of the Great Wall.  Although this section is more touristy, it has a cable car to the top, which will be much easier with the kids and the grandparents.  Then free time on our own while our guide and driver spend the evening with their families.  We hope to catch some fireworks at the park across the street!

·         Sunday Feb 14^th (New Year’s Day – Year of the Tiger) – Morning visit to Temple of Heaven, lunch at noodle shop, afternoon visit to the Summer Palace,  Peking Duck Dinner, Chinese Acrobats Show at Chaoyang Theater

·         Monday Feb 15^th – Tiananmen Square & Forbidden City, afternoon at Beihai Park, dinner on our own, optional Kung Fu Show that night

·         Tuesday Feb 16^th – Temple Fair at Temple of Earth, lunch on our own at the temple, afternoon Hutong Tour, Drum & Bell Towers, walk around Bar Street, dinner included, tea tasting at Laoshe Tea House

·         Wednesday Feb 17^th – Drive to Hancunhe Village to experience traditional Chinese folk dance – Yangge, lunch with local family making Jiaozi dumplings for new year, free late afternoon, dinner on our own

·         Thursday Feb 18^th – flight to Xian, check into Sofitel, lunch at a local restaurant, afternoon visit to the Muslim Mosque and the Market, visit City Wall and ride bikes on it, evening Tang Dynasty Dinner Show

·         Friday Feb 19^th – Morning visit to Terra Cotta Warriors, afternoon flight back to Beijing.  David and Melanie & family depart for Shanghai

·         Saturday Feb 20^th – morning  visit to Beijing Olympic sites – Bird Nest and Water Cube, lunch on our own, 5:25pm flight out, magically arrive in Chicago one hour before we left Beijing and Maya becomes a US Citizen!  Arrive back at Dulles right around 9pm.

 

It is a full schedule and we will modify it as needed, and of course one of us is  always only a cab ride away from the apartment if Maya needs quiet time.

 

Next post from Beijing!

 

Hugs,

Laura Beth

A mountain of rejection & a few menu items...

We are ordering from one of the restaurants downstairs called Food Street.  Anyone care to join us? Please place your orders in the Comments section. Here are a few of your options:

 

·         Double Boiled Sea Snail with Chicken Feet and Honey Melon

·         Braised Baby Pigeon with Puning Bean Sauce

·         Marinated Shredded Jelly Fish

·         Sauteed Ox-Tripe with Yunan Melon

·         Congee with Pork, Kidney, Liver and Intestine

·         Congee with Pig’s Blood, Sliced Fish and Lettuce

·         Spinach Noodle with Cow Tendons

·         Marinated Goose Webs and Wings

·         Braised Salted Spare Ribs with Chicken Feet in Clay Pot

 

And for dessert:   Pear and White Fungus with Almond

 

Delivery on February 20^th to Dulles International Airport!

 

Adam is going to try to find some rice and something else plain for the girls.  I am usually a good sport, but I have had it for now – I am ordering a cheese pizza for my mother and myself from Papa Johns!  And I am going upstairs to have free drinks as soon as the bar opens in the Executive  lounge.  

 

I will leave you with a  picture of the result of Maya’s mega tantrum this afternoon and one of the exhausted Daddy.  After shedding every item of clothing she was wearing onto onto the floor, she then retrieved every single piece of clothing, every toy and any other items we have given to her and proceeded to dump them into a mountain onto the hotel room floor while in the buff.  Yes, she did eventually clean it up (with some help).  I hope she doesn’t do anything similar in public or when we get back to the US – especially at school.  We might make the paper!

 

Hugs, Laura Beth

(who is losing weight without counting WW Points in Guangzhou)!

 

Baba - Tuesday pics

Hello all, Thanks for following along. I have not done an update in a couple of days. We have been busily trying to figure out strategies for dealing with our beautiful, spirited, and very confused daughter. Grandma Bonnie is coloring the girls nails and I am stealing a few moments to post.

Like LB said a few posts ago, it is not all butterflies and rainbows, but there are some butterflies and rainbows as well as very hopeful signs among the difficult moments. We had a very nice dinner last night and in the cab on the way back to the hotel, Eliana and Maya were kissing each other and giggling. They also alternated singing songs for us. Maya has quite a repertoire and a very nice voice. She sang the Beijing Olympics song and a few others we did not recognize. Eliana only sang the ABC song, but she did it every time it was her turn. As we approached the hotel Maya began to sing the theme song to her favorite show (pleasant sheep and big wolf) and the cab driver joined in. It was a very nice moment.

Over the past few days we have developed some strategies for dealing with the behavior issues that seem to be working. A few of the highlights.

When going to the park the other day, we were heading for the fun of carousel and bumper car rides! Of course we could not tell this to Maya, so she just had to trust us that we were taking some place good. But why would she, because a couple of days before we took her to get some shots. At every concession stand, she stopped and demanded that we buy her a toy. Squatting on the ground and screaming, "I want a toy" in Chinese. (A very nice security guard translated that for me.) Rather than stop the group, LB, Grandma, Ben and Eliana went ahead and I stayed with Maya, quietly telling her no to the toy. We made quite a scene. First because there was a western person taking care of a screaming Chinese girl and second because I am a man, which is not common in this culture. It must have look very strange to the locals.

After about 25 minutes, Maya figured out that the tantrum would not work and decided to go with me to find Mama, Eliana, Ben and Grandma. On the way, we had another incident at the next concession stand. Same pattern, but it took less time for her to decide to go to find the rest of the group. When we finally got there Maya had a great time on the rides. Maya and Eliana were so cute in the bumper cars together. The ran into things a laughed a lot. Next we decided to get a pedal boat on the lake. Maya did not want to go. Squatted down on the ground. I told LB and the rest to go ahead, as soon as Maya heard this, she decided that going on the boat would be more fun than sitting on the ground while I stood next to her. So, she went (success!). After the fun was over and we were headed back to the hotel and had to pass many concession stands. We had at least two more episodes, but each time, she eventually gave in and decided to come of her own free will. This is much better than carrying her.

 

Here are the pictures from Yuexiu Park in Guangzhou - http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623279640397

 

The down side of this tactic is that sometimes you have to be somewhere on a time schedule and you just can not wait for a stubborn 8 year old to get bored and decide to come with you. On those occasions she has to be carried, kicking and screaming if necessary. (Sometimes she just laughs when I pick her up) Yesterday, we had to be at the consulate and so I had to pick her up and physically put her into the cab. She did not appreciate this and screamed the whole way. I do have to say that this was the fastest and least expensive cab ride we have had to the island. It cost only 15 RMB when most rides have cost us 20. Poor cab driver.

She is very strong and Laura Beth sometimes has trouble containing her, so I spend a lot of time having to be the heavy. This is unfortunate but necessary. I try to make up for it by playing with her when she is in the mood, even if it is right after an hour long screaming fit and I really have no desire to play with her.

When we have to contain her in the hotel room (she sometimes tries to escape)  I make sure to block the door by sitting on the ground next to the door.  This seems to be less intimidating than standing over her holding it shut.  I try to quietly tell her she is a good girl in Chinese (The guard at the park told me how to say this.)   This seems to lessen the fit, at least for now.  If I tell her that I love her in Chinese that makes things worse, so I say that in the good moments.  She seems to respond to it okay at those times.   

I have to say that the attachment seminar we attended has been a big help. A lot of good approaches and strategies. Although the seminar was targeted at parents of children with severe attachment problems (Maya does not fit into that category), I think that the basic strategies are the same. Also, I really appreciate the support of my wife, she has been so wonderful. It has been difficult and we are working through it.

Also, Ben has really surprised me. We had a nice conversation the other day and he has a very mature outlook on the whole situation. He let me know that he has never seen me so frazzled. He is a good kid with a good head on his shoulders and it has been a pleasure having him here.

It is going to be a bumpy ride, but we are all convinced that it is worth doing.  We will keep trying new things until we find out what works and does not.  Thanks again for all of the support and good wishes from back home.  I keep telling myself that if we were snowed in at the house this week it would probably be worse!  Laura Beth agrees.  I am sure you are all going crazy right now with 6 consecutive no school days.  My heart goes out to you.

Thanks again to Ronnie and Daniel for taking excellent care of my mother and Sheila.  It makes a lot easier to know that they are being well cared for.  We owe you big!

See you soon.

Adam

Monday addendum & other thoughts

I forgot to mention several things in Monday’s post, and I can’t see or edit my posts from here, so I just have to add on.  First of all, Monday was my mother’s birthday!  Happy Birthday, mom!  Seven years ago, we left Ben with some friends of ours in Florida (Hi Heide & Dan!) and we took  both of our mothers on a trip with us to Las Vegas for their 60th birthdays when Adam had a business conference out there.  Our mothers were both born in February 1943.  So mom spent birthday number 60 with me out west – we were the only English speakers on a bus full of Japanese tourists leaving Las Vegas to visit to the Grand Canyon in the freezing cold weather – snowflakes were falling on the southern rim of the Canyon and the northern rim was closed.  On the way back we opted to pay the $50 each to upgrade to the low flying site-seeing plane over the Canyon – AWESOME! And then we saw the show Mama Mia at Mandalay Bay, which was so much fun. Now birthday number 67 my mother spent with me visiting my youngest daughter’s foster home in Dongguan and then eating  Italian food on Shamian Island and having cake and drinks in the lounge of the Marriott in Guangzhou, China! Once again, we were some of the only English speakers around in a sea of Asian faces. :o)  We had no idea seven years ago that we would be adopting two daughters from China.   I feel fortunate to have these special memories with my mother.  (Though right now she might not feel so fortunate to have a few of the memories we will all share from this trip)!!!! 

 

Maya gave Adam a really hard time while I snuck away to the lounge with my mother for a few private moments on the night of her birthday.  It was a tantrum over not being allowed to have a Pepsi from the mini-bar (we have been allowing her to have 7-Up, but don’t want her to have any caffeine). He handled some very challenging behaviors with a cool head.  I don’t want to go into too much detail about what has been going on with Maya Mei on a public blog, but suffice it to say that she knows that when, where, and how she chooses to exercise control over her bodily functions is something that is within her control alone and that she is using that as a new tactic to get control over us and her environment.  Fortunately, she has enough pride that she has only chosen to actually follow through with her threats in our hotel room.  I don’t think she got the shock value she was hoping for with Adam’s calm reaction.  She also showed remorse and cleaned up after herself shortly after the incident(s) without any prompting.  I was glad that we had taken some laundry to get done, or Maya would have had to have “gone commando” for the rest of our time in Guangzhou.  Like I said – this is hard stuff!

 

I also forgot to mention (I think) that while we visited True Children’s Home, we were able to participate in birthday party for two of the babies.  A little boy turning one and a little girl turning two.  Birthdays are a common occurrence at TCH, but they make an extra effort to make it a special day for each child.  The children and caretakers all sang Happy Birthday, first in Chinese and then in English and blew out the candles on their cakes.  They got to cut their own cake (with a plastic knife and a little assistance) and enjoy the first piece.  Then they were presented with a new toy and a new outfit.  I am so glad we were there for that!

 

I also have been intending to discuss eating China.  We have had some great meals! Highlights included the authentic Chinese meals we had at the restaurant near Yuyuan gardens above the embroidery gallery in Shanghai, the vegetarian restaurant next to the Buddhist temple in Wuhan, and the hot pot restaurant in Wuhan – all served family style on a huge lazy susan in the middle of the table. We had the memorable visit to the Korean restaurant in the mall in Wuhan, not our favorite, but not bad either. Because we don’t eat pork or shellfish and try to eat mostly kosher-style, eating meals in Guangzhou is very challenging for us.  They eat EVERYTHING here  in old Canton – including pigeon, reptiles, amphibians, scorpions and anything they can pull out of the local rivers and the China Sea.  Guangzhou is the hub of import/export in China and there is a lot of international and western influence here.  So, our favorite meals in Guangzhou have not been Chinese at all!  They were the buffet at the middle eastern Halal restaurant a few doors down from our hotel, and our meal at Dolce Vita Italian restaurant on Shamian Island for my mother’s birthday.  They were both quite good, and Maya Mei seemed to enjoy them at well.  A light breakfast buffet has been included with all of our hotel rooms, so we sort of load up at breakfast time, as we have no idea what we will be able to find for our meals for the remainder of the day.  We have had one visit to KFC at the mall in Wuhan (very different from US KFC and we did not enjoy it) and we have had several visits to McDonald’s (called something like mi dong long in Chinese) , both in Wuhan and in Guangzhou.  In Wuhan it was because of the rainy cool weather and the need to get the girls to a play area.  In Guangzhou it has been mostly convenience as it is right next door to our hotel, but unfortunately, no play place.  The French fries have kept Ben happy (alas, no Taco Bells to be found in China - yet)!

 

Okay, moving on to post about Tuesday!

 

Hugs, LB

Monday - True Children's Home

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their wonderfully supportive comments!  I also appreciate everyone coming out of the woodwork after I asked who was out there.  It is great to know people are thinking of you when you are so far from home and things aren’t easy.

 

After Sunday’s draining experience, Adam and I talked and decided that Ben definitely had earned a well deserved break from the madness!  I cannot emphasize enough what a trooper Ben has been.  He has handled the stress of the situation better than many adults would!  He helps out with carrying stuff (or his baby sister), lends a hand when he can, seeming to intuitively know what needs to be done.  I am so proud of the fine young man he has become!

 

Also, it is such a wonderful gift to have the calming influence of my mother here.  She is great about being a neutral party and just being there to pitch in and help with either Eliana or Maya Mei as needed.  And Ben is SO grateful each night to retreat to Grandma’s room to regroup and to sleep there in peace.  Ben and Grandma have enjoyed having some time together and have apparently watched some interesting/unusual movies!

 

On Monday we were scheduled to have a private van and driver and our guide, Connie, was escorting us to Eliana’s former foster home in Dongguan, True Children’s Home.  We visited TCH in April 2008 and you can read more about how we found out about Eliana’s time there on our first blog in the 2008 archives (http://chinastork.blogspot.com). Adam and Ben changed plans and stayed behind in Guangzhou to just explore the area around our hotel and have some Dad/son time and have a little break from everything else.  So, at 8:30am all of the ‘girls’ in our group gathered in the lobby for the 1.5-2 hour drive to Dongguan to visit Eliana’s alma mater. :o)

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623262680535/

 

In the pictures you will see our guide Connie in the pink scarf, the operations director, ‘Katrina’, in the pink sweater – she lives in an apartment in the same complex and is there on a daily basis to make sure things are running smoothly.  You will also see Jenny Smith, the wonderful American woman who we first had contact with at TCH.  I am not sure what Jenny’s official title is, but she manages everything and handles fund raising efforts. The flowery Boppy pillow Eliana is sitting on in a few of the photos is just like the one she was sitting on in the first photo we ever saw of her and were taken when she was just about 8-9 months old. :o)

 

True Children’s Home is a wonderful place – see their website to learn more about it. They have one caretaker for every two children in their care.  The provided medical treatment/surgeries and as needed the specialized care needed before and after.  It is their goal to not return any of the children to the orphanage, but rather to keep them in their group home as long as needed and then to place them with local, specially trained foster families until the child can be adopted permanently.  They have had several children adopted domestically as well as all of the internationally adopted children. Eliana was in their care the first year they opened, from October 2006 until late June 2007.  Unfortunately, her orphanage director insisted that she be returned at that time, and she remained there until we arrived in April 2008 to adopt her.  It would have been much better if she had been able to stay with a foster family in Dongguan during that time, but we are grateful for the time she did have there.  All’s well that ends well.

 

Oh, I wanted to smuggle all of these babies home!  Identical twin infant girls with bilateral cleft lip and palate, just like Eliana’s, sleeping peacefully together in the same crib. And a little boy who is nearly four – he was blind, had lost both eyes and had the flattest head I’ve ever seen (from neglect – just laying on his back in the orphanage for so long), but the sweetest demeanor and purest singing voice you’ve ever heard.  Such a joyful boy! He could sing in Mandarin, Cantonese and English – I think he is quite bright. The little girl with leg braces that I took several pictures of is currently waiting for a family.  She has spina bifida (repaired), hydrocephalus and club feet. Her file is with Small World Adoptions and is listed as “Anna”.  She was very sweet and blew kisses to us as we left.

 

Trying to catch up on Guangzhou posts and pictures before we leave for Beijing tomorrow!

 

Hugs,

Laura Beth

It's not always rainbows & butterflies...

Sorry for the delay in posting.  The past  few days have been very exhausting.  Fair warning - I focused on the more negative aspects in this post, as I know there are other families adopting older children who are following along and I want them to be prepared for the real possibilities.  In the words of Maroon 5,  “it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along” (or in this case, standing our ground rather than compromising). Please don’t misunderstand – there are many sweet moments too – thankfully just enough to neutralize the more sour ones we are experiencing.  Sweet and sour - we are trying to achieve a balance here - yin and yang.

 

Maya is doing her best to try to get us to reject her.  We can only assume that it is her hope that if she rejects us and misbehaves to the very best of her ability, that we will also reject her and send her back to her foster family.  We have heard a lot of ‘wo bu yao ni’ (I don’t want you)  and ‘wo bu ai ni’ (I don’t love you), to which we always respond ‘wo men yao ni’ (we want you) or ‘wo men ai ni’ (we love you).  Poor baby – try as she might, she is stuck with us forever!  However, she is very skilled in her attempts to put us off.  We are ‘choosing our battles’ carefully, but we are also not giving in to her fierce temper tantrums, tempting though it may be.   

 

Even though Maya seems to have figured out that we will not give in to her tantrums, she throws them anyway and she has added a new second tactic:  divide and conquer.  She is trying her best to play Adam and I against each other, or to turn to Grandma when we are not giving in to her.  It has almost worked a few times just because one of us not realizing what was going on (at times due to the inability to hear anything over the screaming).  Thankfully, Grandma is on to her tricks as well and is too smart and experienced to fall for that (there was another little girl who may have thrown a temper tantrum or two in my mother’s past – hee, hee – payback is hell)!  So, we are now trying to make sure we all know what is going on so that we are not unintentionally undermining one another’s authority. 

 

Sometimes it is hard to see the forest for all the trees.  Maya Mei is really good at getting under our skin and we have to try very hard to keep everything in perspective and see her behavior for what it really is and to keep her feelings in mind.  Losing our cool would certainly not help anything.  She is trying very hard to be unlikeable, so we have to make a conscious effort to focus on the good  and ignore the bad and to love her in spite of everything.  We have to remind ourselves that she has only been with us one week and that her entire universe had been turned on its head in that time.   She did not ask for this and we cannot expect her to be happy about it.   She has left the only family she has ever known and has been thrown in with us ‘big nosed ghosts’ – total strangers to her.  There is a communication barrier – she has no idea what we are saying most of the time.  And we probably look, smell and act weird to her.

 

When we are not feeling particularly loving towards her…faking it helps!  We have a few slogans for now.  “Fake it until you make it”  - acting with compassion and love towards her when you really just want to scream at her and tell her that she wins – that she can go back to her old life and we will all go home and resume where we left off.  And “there can be only one”… (crazy person at a time – right now it is Adam and I am holding it together, but we switch roles as needed).  Sorry if this all sounds harsh, but I am want to be honest about this experience so that others may benefit.  And trying to keep a sense of humor seems to help.

 

We are very thankful that we attended an Attachment/Bonding seminar last year at Johns Hopkins led by Dr. Daniel Hughes (http://www.danielhughes.org/html/Treatment%20and%20Parenting%20Model.html) .  So, we were somewhat prepared for these behaviors and had some tools to deal with them.  But I’m not going to lie – this is really hard! 

 

Her number one tactic is the temper tantrums - they are very loud and they can be long.  And when there are other people around they are longer and louder. We think that on Sunday on the bus on the way back from the Safari Park, she could have possibly set a new world’s record for the longest, loudest temper tantrum by an 8 year old in the history of the earth!  Thankfully we were with a group of very understanding adoptive families from our agency.  A very laid-back 13 year old boy who was just adopted asked his new Dad if he could pay her to shut up!  (Hmm…wonder if that would actually work)? :D

 

Maya has an iron will.  And she is CLEARLY used to getting her way with the tantrums.  Comforting, distracting and cajoling do not work.  Scolding doesn’t work. Getting angry certainly doesn’t work. I stood by at the Safari Park while she squatted on the ground in the rain and pouted because she didn’t get her way about something and I let Adam, Ben, Eliana and my mother go on to enjoy the park.  I was pointing things out on the map to her, acting out the parts of the animals.  Hopping around like the kangaroos got her attention for a while and I thought we would be on our way, but then she came to halt again in the Koala exhibit and was back down -  tush on the ground.  (Like I said, distraction doesn’t really work). At this point, I picked up my 66 pound daughter and carried her through the exhibit in the rain, as she was screaming and I was grunting and groaning under her weight.  She is DEAD WEIGHT when she is like that.  We were quite the spectacle for the locals. Suddenly, she thought that it was funny that I was carrying her like a baby – it made her laugh.  Then she was ready to hold hands with me and skip to the next exhibit.  I was feeling sort of proud of myself at that point (VERY premature)…

 

The park is designed so that at the end of each exhibit, you must pass through a winding gift shop to exit the area, while employees dangle toys in the faces of passing children.  The shops are full of toys, clothing, stuffed animals, etc themed in whatever animal you just encountered.  At the Australia gift shop Maya wanted some toys.  She picked out a small bucket of plastic animals for herself and insisted on a chunkier set of animal toys for Eliana, which I thought was very sweet.  Ben had purchased a silly white tiger stuffed animal hat earlier, and she wanted a koala hat for herself.  About $7 US.  Rip-off, but cute (would have been $15-20 in the US), so fine.  I even let her pick out a panda watch for herself (about $3.50 US).  Now I had a really happy camper.

 

We finally exited the Australia exhibit and lo and behold, there was Grandma Bonnie (aka Wai Po) waiting for us.  Adam, Ben & Eliana had gone on to the Panda exhibit.  We were running out of time before our group’s appointed meeting time, but no way that we were going to miss the Pandas!  Maya was calling out “Mei mei, ge ge, baba?”, looking for the rest of her new family.  We sort of rushed through the Panda area.  I have never seen so many Pandas at once – 10 in one exhibit!  They were adorable – munching happily on bamboo shoots they were holding on their big round bellies. Also, the world’s oldest living panda, age 36.  WOW – almost as old as me! :o)

 

We were 10 minutes late for the appointed group meeting time, and everyone else was on the bus, but we reunited with the family, took our drenched selves and our now cold noodle lunch and drinks on the bus and were hoping it would be an uneventful ride back to our hotel.  Unfortunately, next Maya decided that she in fact liked Eliana’s chunky animals better than her own bucket of animals and snatched them right out of Eliana’s hands while she was playing happily with them.  We did not allow her to do that and returned the toys to Eliana and gave Maya her own toys that she had selected and said ‘ni de’ (yours) and ‘ta de’ (hers), which of course she KNEW, since she had in fact picked the  toys out for Eliana herself (and was so proud and thrilled to give them to her little sister).  Then the screaming commenced and thus began one of the longest hours of my life.  Every few minutes she would reach her hand out to grab the toy away from Eliana and we would repeat ourselves and another blood curdling scream would come out, often accompanied by stomping feet and sometimes a raised hand (which she never actually used to hit, thank goodness). 

 

Our facilitator, Connie, has been doing this for 10 years, and she said this was the biggest tantrum she has witnessed to date.  Even the bus driver was quite impressed with her stamina and just shrugged his shoulders and smiled after a while.  I think everyone felt sorry for us.  Of course, we all should have felt sorry for Maya, but like I said, she was doing her very best to be unlikeable at that time. At the conclusion of the ride I offered to pass around Motrin to everyone and told them that we owed them each a drink!  I think some of them may take us up on that before this week is through!

 

So, that was pretty much our Sunday.  I still need to catch you all up on Monday and today, both of which also had some very challenging times, but I would say more good than bad.  And I think that today we may have rounded another corner with the tantrums.  Definitely ended the day on a good note with giggles, and good night kisses and warm wishes of  ‘wan an’ (good night).  Thankfully, sleeping has not been an issue at all – she is down by 8:30 or 9pm at the latest every night and wakes up promptly at 6am, ready to start her day.  If we had to add sleepless nights to this mix, I don’t know how we would get by.

 

Wan an,

Laura Beth

TB is clear!

In all the chaos we are experiencing (stay tuned for a big post) we forgot to post the very important news yesterday  that Maya had no TB skin reaction!   She was medically cleared for our US Consulate appointment.

 

Our guide went to our appointment at the US Consulate in Guangzhou this morning with our paperwork.  We were just on standby in our hotel room to answer the phone and deal with any problems with our paperwork if the arose. We will go in person to the US Consulate tomorrow (Wednesday afternoon our time) for an oath taking ceremony, swearing that everything in our paperwork is updated and correct and then Maya’s US immigrant visa will be ready to pick up late Thursday afternoon!  We will leave Guangzhou for Beijing on Friday.  I will post our itinerary for the rest of our trip soon.

 

Laura Beth

 

 

 

A few Safari Park pics

Here are 14 of the 400+ pics taken the day of the Safari park!

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623259672881

 

You will see that the girls were too scared to hold that baby white tiger, but mama was happy to, and Ben got a turn.

 

Post coming up, I promise!  Boy, oh boy have we had our hands FULL!!!!!!  Pray for our strength and sanity. :o)

 

Hugs,
Laura Beth

Hello, who's out there?

Hi, if you are reading, please comment!  Thanks to everyone who has already commented.  A special hello to my cousin Helle in Denmark – thanks for the comment! Sometimes I wonder if we are only posting for my mother-in-law and my friend Laurie back home, who is madly scrapbooking for us while snowed in.  That would be fine, too, but I am curious who else might be following along on our journey!  Florida folks – are you there?  Dad? Heide, are you out there?  We hope that everyone in northern Virginia and our family in Pennsylvania are handling the snow okay.  Norman – we can receive emails, too. (Hint, hint). Hi Macey! 

 

And, Happy Belated Birthday Martin!  Adam usually calls his brother Martin 2 days before his birthday and says “Sorry I missed your birthday” – a long standing joke from a genuine error made long ago.  We really did miss Martin’s birthday yesterday, so, “SORRY WE MISSED YOUR BIRTHDAY, MARTIN”!  Really, so sorry – hope you had a great day!  My mother will celebrate her birthday here in China  – February 8^th.

 

I am uploading photos from Saturday – 467 of them!  They are mostly animal shots at the Safari Park, but there are some of us, including photos of both Ben and I bottle feeding a baby white  tiger. :o) The girls were too scared.  He did get a bit antsy and loud when I was feeding him and the milk ran out.  He was one hungry baby!  We thought about you Charlotte – we know white tigers are your favorite and they probably have a dozen or more here!

 

Hoping to hear from you all!

Laura Beth

Saturday pictures

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cohnfamily/sets/72157623248267201

 

Sorry – again, unedited,  no comments and not too many!  Ben took these while we had Maya had her medical examination/vaccination appointment.  Yes, I am up at 4am posting, but I went to bed at about 8:30pm, so it is fine.  Everyone else is sleeping – I will try to upload pictures and write a post for Sunday.  It was quite a memorable day (but one we might like to forget)!

 

Hugs, Laura Beth

Putting the girls to bed....

It's like a two girl, giggly slumber party... every night.  aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

[Help me...].

 

Adam

Saturday in Guangzhou

Hello, everyone, this is Adam.  I hope that this post finds you with power and enjoying the snow.  I have been thinking of everyone there and worrying a bit about my mother.  Hopefully the gas fire place and cooktop with get her through if there is no power.

 

Things have been going very well, even though Saturday was a busy (and in some ways difficult) day.  It started off as usual with Breakfast.  I must say that with the addition of our third child, we have officially switched from “man to man” to “zone” defense.  Trying to deal with both girls in the lounge for breakfast is always a challenge, but as they settle into a routine it has become more so.  Instead of being upset at the divided attention of her parents, Eliana has decided to take full advantage of it.  While I am busy tending to Maya, Eliana takes that time to do things like pour massive amounts of salt into her food, pour apple juice onto her eggs, and generally do all of those things that she is denied with the focused attention of two parents on one small child.  I guess that is one of the essential parenting experiences you miss when you only have one small one at a time.  Oh well, we have to adjust to this new reality and move on.  Ultimately, everyone gets fed and it all works out. 

 

One of the interesting things about the girls is that they are the exact same age difference as Laura Beth and her sister Lisa.  Bonnie always helps out at breakfast (I am so grateful that she is here).  Yesterday, as I was shoveling food into my face, the girls got away from me and were playing in the curtains.  Bonnie stood up and  said “Girls get out of the curtains.”  She said it in a way that I thought it must not be the first time she had uttered those words.  I could picture little Laura Beth and Lisa getting in trouble for playing the curtains and all I could do was laugh.

 

After breakfast we took a cab to the island and found our guide and the other families from our agency and headed over to take the photos for the Maya’s US immigrant visa.  After that we (finally) got to play on the playground while we waited to walk over to the medical building for Maya’s examination.  We got some good pictures on the playground and Maya had a good time climbing on the equipment and hopping around on one foot.  There was another 8 year old girl in the group and Maya and her seemed to hit it off.  Although when we first met her, she was not happy because her new little sister had broken her bracelet.  I guess things are the same all over.

 

At the medical building, we saw several familiar faces.  Melanie and David were there for the adoption of their new son Isaac.  (Congratulations!)  I am sure you can find their blog if you look for it.  Also, we saw our guide from Eliana’s adoption, Bob Wu.  It was kind of funny running into so many familiar faces in China. 

 

The medical examination went well.  Maya was such a brave girl.  Poor dear had to have 5 immunization shots.  She knew it was coming and was not happy about it.  However, when the time came, she put on a brave face, put her hand on her hip to expose her arm, and watched the needle go in five times with a very determined look.  Not a single tear.  Tough kid!  She was feeling kind of crummy for the rest of the day and her arms hurt.  We were so proud of her.

 

While we were in the medical building, Ben showed his grandmother around the island and played with Eliana on the playground.  Afterward, we all met a “Lucy’s” for lunch.  It was a real treat, because they serve good southern style sweet tea!  I guess because we are in the south of China.  Ben and I were soooo happy.  We can’t even get that at most places in northern Virginia.  We were seated outside and under a table size umbrella because  of the rain.  (much like Florida it comes and goes quickly)  One of the highlights of lunch was to watch the 6 year old son of another adoptive family pull down his pants to go pee right there on the patio.  The family was mortified as dad scooped him up and got him as close to the bathroom as he could.  This not an uncommon sight in China.  Very often young children will squat where they are and go.  We laughed about this and continues on with lunch.

 

After lunch we walked around the island.  Maya had fun kissing all of the statues (pictures to come later).  We gave Bonnie a tour of the white swan hotel and then caught a cab back to our hotel.

 

We had a nap (by we I mean me an Eliana).  Maya rested and watched some good old “Happy sheep and bad wolf.” There was a little fit later in the afternoon when Maya wanted to go see Ben.  But we worked through it just fine.  I can see the wheels working in Maya’s head.  When she throws a fit, she does not get what she wants, but when she calms down and behaves well she gets what she wants.  I think she is going to adjust fine.  For dinner we  went to McDonalds right next to the hotel, a quick trip to the 7 -11 and it was bed time.  Internet was down last night, so not post, sorry.

 

Necessarily, we are learning some Chinese through this.  “Bu jao” is a very common phrase we hear (It means “I don’t want”)  Hand her some food she does not like and … “Bu jao”, whatever Laura Beth wants to dress her in… “Bu jao”, go somewhere she does not want to go… “Bu jao”, Shots! Definitely “Bu jao!”  Even Eliana has taken to telling us “Bu jao” when she doesn’t want something. 

 

Another useful phrase is “Hao Bu Hao” which literally means “good or not good.”  It is used for yes or know.  As in, do you want this?  “Hao Bu Hao.”  She either answers Hao or Bu Hao.  When I add Ni in front of it, it becomes the equivalent of are you OK?  It is nice to look at her and say Maya Ni Hao Bu Hao?  She looks back and says Hao, nods and I know all is good.

 

We are heading to the safari park this morning.  Again, thanks for following along.  It is so great to have some familiar voices of encouragement from home.  Will post soon.

Adam